It’s safe to say that new motherhood is not a woman’s most glamorous time of life. I always make an effort to get dressed every day and put my warpaint on, even if it’s just to go to a hospital appointment, or round the corner to the shops. But, well, it’s hard to paint on quite enough make-up to disguise the sleep deprived pallor; plus, quite often my best efforts will be vomited on. The day when she projectile vomited upwards into my face (and open mouth, yum) whilst I was feeding her, was one of Leila’s best attempts at accessorising my costume and make-up choices with her own special touch.
But some days I feel almost like a normal human being. The other day I was delighted to have fitted back into my pre-pregnancy skinny jeans (in fact, they are a little loose, owing to the fact that I was carrying a little extra “padding” when I got pregnant). I put on a new top with diamante buttons at the neckline, adding a ritzy touch to breastfeeding utility chic, and tucked my skinnies into my knee highs to venture into town for lunch with Little L. I felt pretty snazzy, though a little deranged underneath my double layer of slap, thanks to a night that had been somewhat on the extreme side.
One glass of wine in, I made my way to the loo across the bar, sans baby (she was being watched, I assure you, I didn’t just leave her at the table to peruse the menu). Out of the corner of my eye I clocked a couple of men seemed to be, yes, they really were… looking at me. This was an experience I hadn’t had since my baby bump started to show. Obviously I’m a happily attached woman, but everyone enjoys a little appreciation. Oh yeeeah, I thought smugly, perhaps even sashaying a little, mama’s still got it!
Imagine my dismay when washing my hands, when I glanced in the mirror and discovered what the blokes had actually been looking at: a huge, damp dark patch spreading rapidly over one side of my chest. Evidently mama did not have “it”; what she did have was leaky mammaries which paid no heed to being in a fancy bar in town.
Of course, some members of our household don’t need any make-up to look simply delicious…