Our weekend was spent at a music festival. I hardly need to tell you that we booked this marathon of camping, questionable portaloos, drinking (but not for me, obv) and late nights, before The Bean put in an appearance. I was dubious about going in my new status as incubator, but equally determined that I can be a normal human being who has fun and stuff, despite (and because of!) the baby in my belly.
When I was fretting pre-festival about exposing my baby to mud, noise and what could essentially be one huge swine flu party, I searched the web for advice on forums and others’ experiences of going to festivals while pregnant. Other mums-to-be had posed questions very much along the lines of what I was thinking. One answer, from a hardened festie-going mother, stood out for me: “remember, you are exposing your baby to fun and unbridled joy!”. I bore this in mind throughout the weekend.
At times it was a little trying. A couple of moments I wimpered at how tiiired I was, and how everyone was druuunk, and how often I needed a weeeee. I was tucked up in my sleeping bag and ten layers of woolen clothing by 11pm each night. But I loved taking The Bean dancing in wellies (I was wearing wellies, but I like to imagine he/she was too) and laughing so much my jelly belly hurt, and eating a whole lot of hot doughnuts.
One moment was truly powerful and still makes me tear up thinking about it. We (me, G, our friends and MC Beanie B) were watching The Streets, and a track with a sweet melody which I hadn’t heard before started. The sun was going down, the crowd of thousands was revelling in the music. I put my hands in the pockets of my hoodie and cupped my fingers round my sort-of-bump, closed my eyes and swayed/squelched, having a private moment and talking to The Bean in my head. Are you happy in there? Are you dancing? Who are you going to be, little Bean? I wasn’t really listening to the lyrics of the song, just having a heart-swelling emotional moment.
When my mind tuned in to the words Mike Skinner was intoning, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. The track was called A Blip on a Screen, and it is about his unborn child.
(Warning: You might cry. Mum/Anna- that goes for you especially)
A blip on a screen/ You don’t know me/ I think about you/ And what you’ll grow to be
It was exactly what I was doing and thinking. The coincidence was incredible, and made the moment even more special for me. It showed me that just as people you love who have died can come to you at the most unexpected moments, so can those who you have not been lucky enough to meet yet.
I fix and I plan/ But this is just mad/ I love you/ You’re only a hundred pixels on a scan
ps I’d like to say that I promise I’ll write about something else other than The Bean sometime soon. But, well, I can’t promise that. Sorry!